Reflections on owning the ride, instead of the ride owning you

By Sarah Hansing

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We were sitting at the brewery, pints in hand, and discussing weekend plans when my friend Gio looked quizzically across the table at me, and asked โ€œWhy do you have such a bad case of ex-racer guilt?โ€

I hadnโ€™t ever really heard my particular cycling affliction phrased like that before, but he was right. Completely and totally right. My โ€œweekend plansโ€ ย really consisted of doing nothing but riding my bike for several hours. ย Which is not necessarily a bad thing. ย Except it can be.

My Strava focused long training miles werenโ€™t necessarily something that I had made a conscious thing to do; ย it was part of my regimen. It was a habit. It was a borderline obsession. And being asked about my โ€œex-racer guiltโ€ by a fellow ex-pro definitely gave me pause. ย 

Was it really so important to stay at the top of the cycling food chain? And whatโ€™s the trade-off?

Upon reflection, I realized that I had really been giving up a lot of opportunities to spend time with friends. To go different places. To try different things. To expand my horizions and step outside of my comfort zone. I had become tethered to my bike to the point where I actually let my brain tell me that I had to tell people that I โ€œcouldnโ€™tโ€ ย go do … well … ย anything that didnโ€™t somehow involve me, training. ย 

Turns out my โ€œhealthyโ€ obsession had become a barrier to a healthy and well-rounded lifestyle.

And Iโ€™m certain that Iโ€™m not the only person on two wheels who is guilty of this. ย 

Now that we have Strava, many of us have become racers of a sort. ย Instead of chasing another rider down, now we chase the ghost. And there are a LOT of ghosts to chase times to beat and leaderboards to climb.

But again โ€“ at what cost?

Recently Iโ€™ve really made a concerted effort to try to reel myself back in; to skip rides sometimes, so that I can explore other venues and do other things. ย Maybe hang out with friends that donโ€™t ride, even (I know โ€“ ย weird, right?). ย And I have to say โ€“ once the initial panic of unsettling my routine passedย โ€“ย itโ€™s been AWESOME. ย ย 

Now, of course I still ride my bike a lot more than the average person. And I still will be damned if Iโ€™m going to let myself get โ€œslowโ€ on a bike. But Iโ€™m less of a victim of ex-racer guilt, now. ย Iโ€™m almost back to owning my riding, instead of it owning me. ย 

We all know that balance on your bike is important to keep you moving forward; to keep you upright.ย Turns out balance in your life is even more important, for the very same reasons.ย Thereโ€™s no need to feel guilty for not putting the hammer down every time we ride or for sometimes skipping a ride to go on a different adventure. ย 

We donโ€™t always have to chase the ghost.

We donโ€™t have to be bike racers.

We can just be bike riders.


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โ€‹Fat Tire Tuesday columnist Sarah Hansingย has been slinging wrenches as a pro bike mechanic for 15 years (with the exception of a one year stint working for Trek Bicycles in Wisconsin.)ย Epicenter Cycling scooped her up as their lead mechanic and the shop’s crewย plans to โ€‹keep her forever. Sarah loves riding singletโ€‹rack, wrenchingย on bikes, and hanging out with her jerk-face but adorable cat Harlan. (Who is a jerk.)